John and I went out to dinner tonight. I wore a dress and heels. I think it was the first dress I have worn since April. As I put it on, I thought, "The last time I wore this, I had no idea of the pain to come..." I can be quite melodramatic in my own little thought world.
We went out with some friends from John's work who are in Houston for a few nights. Familiar faces. Wow. It has been a while.
After stuffing myself on a very-eggy-almost-omelet-creme brulee and decaf coffee (after the main course, salad, and appetizer) we walked out into the humid, post-thunderstorm weather. And I started crying (silently, but tearfully). A delayed reaction; tears held in for about two hours after the toast given by one of his friends with the first glass of wine. "To friends... who have been gone too long, but will soon be home." Simple, sweet, and yet managed to catch me off guard. I was fighting each tear duct to keep them from leaking. It doesn't take much these days. And I was successful until we walked outside and said goodbye.
"Why are you crying? What's wrong?" are questions my husband is getting very used to asking. I just responded with, "Just the unspoken, "I'm so sorry" attitude of the dinner...." "Yeah." He noticed too.
Afterwards, John and I went to Borders bookstore. I am becoming a connoisseur and constant consumer of journals...needed a new one. I need lines and a little decoration, but don't want to spend 20 bucks. John needed the newest Iron Maiden CD. I also bought Julia Child's autobiography, My Life in France. I'm excited to get started on it. (I have four more days in the RTC waiting room with a book and my ipod...if the machine doesn't break down!!)
It was nice to get out and have some time together.
5, 4, 3, 2, 1...almost there. And then we will be home.
Oh, it's going to be so much better, all you guys in one place. The family together again! Praying for you!
ReplyDeleteYou hold it all together when you have to then when you get a break finally and some time to relax then down comes the guard and out flow those pent up emotions. Good for you getting out for an evening. Hang in there, it will be so much better when you can get back home again.
ReplyDeleteYou totally deserve to cry freely (and to get a fancy new journal)!
ReplyDeleteRemember I told you how sometimes I will bawl during a commercial or movie because of all the pent up stress and emotions??? It's healthy to let it out...
I am a huge Free to Be You and Me fan, Julie. Check out this link (probably have to cut and paste it). You might just like the song "It's All Right to Cry" because it really is all right: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KqFuhCfb3Fk
ReplyDeletePerhaps you and Andrew can add it to your repertoire. Kudos to you and John for spending time together as a couple amidst everything else that's going on. It really is important, too. -EW
I don't think anyone who hasn't been where you are knows what to say other than, "I'm so sorry." And we are, we all are, but the words sound so ... weak, I guess, don't they? Too weak to encompass all the empathy and love we have for you. Even though your friends couldn't express it (and I can't either), know that we are lifting you up and sending all the positivity we have.
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