So, this week I am daily reliving the horror of those first few weeks of diagnosis. It is not as shocking now, but still as unpleasant to hear. New doctors, new eyes looking at all of his paperwork, new MRIs, new reminders of the side effects of all these treatments, and new reminders that all of our efforts could end in disappointment. Ugh. I am such a risk-averse worry wart. They say 5% chance of something and I hear "inevitable." I wish I could change my thinking! I am trying. I truly am. It is easier to ignore the list of side effects when it includes things like "dry mouth, constipation, and diarrhea..." not so easy when the list includes "chance of a new cancerous tumor due to the radiation, blindness, and destruction of his tear duct." Yeah, not so pleasant to hear.
And I look over at my sweet, affectionate, kind, playful child and I just can't stand it.
Despite all of this, we are trying to enjoy every day. Andrew has been very happy, active, playful, and pain-free this chemo cycle. I am SO happy about that! It is so strange that each cycle seems to affect him so differently. We all went to the IMAX theater yesterday, and have gone for several walks around the huge park near our new "home away from home." Andrew has been included and loved every minute of it. He actually seems to have more energy than normal, and has been having a hard time falling asleep at night. But I will take it!!
When we were in the hospital that first weekend, hearing the bad news about Andrew, David Crowder Band's song "How He Loves Us" was playing over and over and over again in my head. I haven't really heard it since then, because I haven't made it to church very often due to Andrew's rigorous schedule and his compromised immune system. But when we first got here to Houston, in the Proton Beam Radiation clinic, that song was playing over the loudspeaker. Which I found very strange, but very comforting. I took it as a reminder. A reminder I need. How He loves us. Gotta keep on praying and hoping and trusting. I've been singing this song to Andrew every night now, and he is singing it too.
I'm glad Andrew is feeling well and that you're able to have some fun in Houston.
ReplyDeleteI very often find comfort in music - I'm glad you've found a song to comfort you!
I am a risk-averse worrier too. It can make a person crazy and my heart aches for you.
ReplyDeleteI am so happy to hear Andrew is adjusting to the changes so well. =)
My prayers are with you. I hope this time goes by quickly and you get home safe and sound.
ReplyDeleteThere are risks, but there will be benefits. There will. Sending positive thoughts your way.
ReplyDeleteThere's nothing like music to soothe and comfort us. I'm so glad you and Andrew have a special song to get you both through the rough spots. Andrew sounds like a real trooper, and my prayers are continuously with your family. -EW
ReplyDeleteIsn't it incredible how God will remind us just how much He loves us, despite the trials we face? Whether it be through a strangers smile, a babies/child's laugh or through music, He wants us to know how much we mean to Him and that He is in control. I teared up reading this because I love hearing when God speaks to people through ways such as this. I continue to pray for Andrew as well as your family and I hope that God will continue to remind you of His love for you and that He's watching over Andrew. Hopefully you can find some peace with that.
ReplyDeleteHave a blessed day and enjoy being in my Texas! (I'm in Las Vegas now because my husband is military and stationed out here....but we're Texans and miss it sooo much!) ;-)
5% seems so huge when it's about your son, doesn't it? I'm so glad Andrew is happy and pain free this cycle.
ReplyDeleteThat song is so beautiful. What a source of peace for you and Andrew and the family.
You are in my prayers!!!!!
ReplyDeleteGood to hear Andrew is happy and full of energy :) Music is some powerful stuff- use it to your advantage :)
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