Prayers...

In April, 2010, when Andrew was 2 1/2, a tumor was discovered behind his eye. The tumor was removed, but it was found to be an aggressive cancer. He endured seven months of chemo and six weeks radiation. In December of 2010, the day after his last treatment, he was rushed to the ER with an almost fatal bacterial infection. He survived.

He is now seven-years-old!! I don't visit here much, because during the ordeal, this is where I dumped everything--my rage, my fear, my sadness, my ugly, my hope, my everything. But I want all of you who supported and prayed for us to hear his updates. You helped me survive, and I am deeply thankful. Every once in awhile, I will check in to let you know how he's doing. Please continue to pray that cancer will never return to his body. Thank you.



Friday, July 9, 2010

Texas Bound

We leave Sunday for Texas. The boys think it will be a fun vacation, and we are going to try to make the best of it.  We will try to see the Alamo, the space station, Six Flags, and whatever else looks fun. 

But the real reason we are going is for Andrew.  We will be spending seven weeks in Houston for consultation and then radiation of Andrew’s eye orbit. They have a specialized radiation beam which is more localized and specific--- important when you are radiating near a two-year-old brain.

Some days I still have to slap my face to wake up. Is this truly my reality? Am I really taking a plane to Texas? To live WHERE? For HOW long? WHY???? And it is all with the desperate hope that this will be the last trip to Texas. There is another family there, right now, with their six-year-old son, with this same cancer, in the same place, planning for the removal of their son’s eye and orbit. His came back. After months and months and months of chemo, and weeks and weeks of radiation, it came back. Their story haunts me every day. Cancer is truly demonic.

While trying to pack and get ready, we have also spent the last three days in the new hospital for chemo. Their network doesn’t allow me to write on my blog page for some reason, so I have been writing the old fashioned way…with paper and pen. I think there may be something more emotional about that mode. I don’t know, but I sure found myself crying more. Maybe I just finally had the personal space to let it out.

I see other mothers and fathers wandering the halls of the hospital. Some have been here for 5 years seeking to make their child well. They introduce themselves and want to tell me their story. I want to cover my eyes and ears. I will too easily slip into despair. It is hard enough for me to stay hopeful and positive. My happiness is too fragile.  One day at a time. One day at a time.  Head down.  Don't look up.

Other than the sad stories which surround me, this new hospital is doing wonders for my sanity. I no longer feel like an oppressed prisoner. There is space for us to be a family. The boys can come and stay as long as we want without feeling like they are annoying other people. There is no loudspeaker at 8 pm telling us that “all visitors (daddies and brothers) must exit the building.” In addition to having my own room, I also feel respected. They seem to recognize that parents are people (imagine that), that this is horrendously difficult, and that parents can be part of the solution and not inconvenient attachments. I do not like to be ordered about (in fact, it makes me rageful); I like to be included in the conversation. This new hospital gets that.

Back home today.  One more day to recover and off we go to Texas with a hope and fervent prayer that five and a half weeks of radiation will get the job done. With the prayer that the radiation will not distort his face forever. With the prayer that we will NEVER EVER NEVER EVER have to come back again. And that we will never again be haunted by this disgusting, demonic, hateful cell mutation. How dare it invade my child.

18 comments:

  1. Thinking of you guys... have a safe journey!!

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  2. I hope that the boys enjoy their vacation, and you guys get the care that you all need. In my thoughts. In my prayers Julie.

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  3. I'm so glad that this new hospital is working out so much better than the last one. I know that it makes a world of difference. I hope that you will feel the same about the hospital and staff in Texas.

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  4. Sending prayers your way for safe passage while on your trip and that all goes well with Andrew's radiation treatments. Sounds like you have plans to enjoy some of what Texas has to offer so memories of the trip will be more than visits back and forth to the hospital. Good for you all! -EW

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  5. I'm praying that not only will your family's stay in Texas be an adventure and full of fun; but especially that this trip will be the very last impact of your son's illness and that it will never rear it's ugly head again.

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  6. I'm praying that this will be your one and only trip to Texas!

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  7. Much love and many prayers for all of you, Julie! XXOO

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  8. blessings on your journey, Julie- may it be everything you hope and wish for it to be.

    Those pictures of the boys snuggled and sleeping together- too sweet for words. it took my breath away. Even in all of this, they know the very best medicine for each other.

    sending you lots of prayers!!!!!

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  9. We'll be praying that everything goes well! Love to all. Aunt Barb and Uncle Jim

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  10. Ugh. I HATE cancer... I hate what it is doing to your little guy and I hate what it's doing to your family (and all of the other unfortunate families that are cursed with it). I am praying for big things to happen while you are in Texas and I just *know* that things are going to be okay. I am also SO happy to hear that this new hospital has been a blessing in disguise (as much a blessing that any hospital can be)... Always thinking of you guys, smooches and hugs to your little family! *Hugs* to you!

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  11. Julie, I'm glad that the new hospital is such a huge change for you guys. It's great that the health care professionals are willing to partner with you!

    I hope you have a great "vacation". I hope you have moments of happiness and fun that you can cling to when the thoughts start haunting you... I'm praying with you that you will never have to go back again... God is stronger than cancer and He's holding Andrew in His hands.

    (((Hugs)))

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  12. As excited as I am for you to be in my home state, I hope you never, ever have to come here again. Unless you want to. Hope you made it safely and are getting settled in.

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  13. sending lots of Arizona hugs and prayers your way. So thankful the new hospital is working better!

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  14. Sending prayers your way that everything is PERFECT in Houston.

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  15. Dear Julie

    My name is Megan and my family and I are living here in Houston. I have a 6 year old little girl and a 2 1/2 year old little boy. I am wondering if there is anything I can do for you while you are here fighting this horrible disease. Can I bring you food? We are here if you need anything. Post back and let me know how to reach you if need be.
    Best best wishes....

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  16. Just checking in for an update. Still praying for you Julie. I'm so sorry. I just pray that everything will go better than you could ever imagine while you're in Texas. (I'm so happy about your hospital rooming situation though - there's a praise item!)

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  17. "Beware that you don't look down upon a single one of these little children. For I tell you that in heaven their angels have constant access to my Father." Matthew 18:10

    I wrote a post tonight on the power of prayer and in persistence with prayer. I hope you will stop by.

    I have also added you to my list of those to pray for tonight.
    Big Fat Mama

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  18. Julie, I hope your Texas stay so far has been warm and welcoming. I'm taking a summer break from blogging but think often about your story and am grateful to Stacia for introducing me to it. I've rerouted one package so that it's headed in your [new and temporary!] direction, and there's a second on the way. Thinking of you and all three sweet little boys.

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