Almost at the finish line.
I feel like I did near the end of my marathon in 1996.
Focusing on the ground;
staring at my feet;
putting one foot in front of the other;
searching for a soothing song to sing to the beat of my footsteps;
fearing that my knees might implode, or my heart might stop beating, or my lungs might collapse...
right before the finish line.
People are walking in front of me,
chit-chatting about la-di-da,
and I am in excruciating pain.
I want to scream "get out of my way!"
but I am so depleted I can hardly gasp for air.
Just like that.
I'm so afraid something will disrupt the completion of this chemo,
I can hardly move, or talk, or blog.
If all goes well, the last chemo begins next Monday.
I am so desperate for it to be done by Christmas....
What an amazing gift that would be, for our whole family.
However, I will admit that the Christmas season is definitely serving as a beautiful distraction. Our Arizona weather is actually COLD!!! I have been wearing my winter coat in the mornings and scraping frost off my windshield!! I love the Christmas lights everywhere and blaring carols in the car. Every night before sleep, my jammied boys cuddle in my bed for a live broadcast Christmas show on ABC, or CBS, with commercials and everything, just like when I was little.
I let my boys decorate the Christmas tree this year, all by themselves. I think I am going to leave it that way. A few ribbons strewn around the middle and a bunch of ornaments clumped at the bottom. They keep taking them off, looking and talking about them, and putting them back on. It's sweet. Sammy was so excited about unpacking the Christmas village houses, I told him he "could be in charge of them." He set them up the way he wanted to, and is so proud.
I hope you all are enjoying the Christmas/holiday season.
I can see the finish line ahead. It would be nice to stop running, and breathe again. And sing songs on Christmas without having to worry about chemo the next morning. That would be
Please pray that it will be so.
Wow. It's midnight. Happy December to you all.