Easy (Happy Birthday Andrew!)

I was expecting you to be "easy."
An uneventful pregnancy. 
The third baby.
You were supposed to "pop right out."
But you didn't.

I was shocked
when the doctor said, "C-section."
With the cord
wrapped around your neck
three times,
you were ascending
rather than descending.
Perhaps you had a premonition about
this crazy world
you were about to enter.
We had no choice but to take you out
 "the hard way."

At 8:20 am, three years ago today,

I saw your sweet face for the first time.

I held you close to my heart,

swirling my fingers

on your head of peach fuzz.

I imagined your future,

and prayed for your protection.

I held your tiny body 

and was so grateful.

I marvelled at your 

long eyelashes.

You were beautiful.

Those first few days and nights were difficult for me.
At times I could hardly hold you because my body was in so much pain.
But you were a "good sleeper", and a "good eater."
You made it easier for me.

As you grew you became my little attachment.
My lap became your lap.
You wanted to be with me,
held by me,
and in my arms,
as often as possible.

You were my "easy" one. 
My easy sleeper,
my easy eater,
my easy-going,
easy-pleasing baby;
So strong, and so affectionate;
I had no worries.

Today, at 10:35 am,
we are at the hospital once again,
exactly three years later.

Five months ago

a doctor again

uttered shocking words.

As we sit here in the hospital,
I hold you close to my heart.

I swirl my fingers
on your head
(which has nary a smidge of peach fuzz).
I fear and hope for your future
and pray for your protection.
I hold your "big boy" body,
and am so grateful
that I can still can.
Today you lost your last,
long, marvelous eyelash.
But you are still so beautiful.

Sometimes when I pick you up, and look into your sweet, lashless eyes,
it causes me so much pain, I can hardly contain it.

My dear, loving, three-year-old child,
do you know how I adore you?
I would give anything to heal you.
I wish I could do it for you.
I wish I could carry your whole burden,
and not just the backpack for your fluids.

Your life has been difficult,
my "easy" child.
But you are handling the chemo,
and the hospital,
and the needles
with bravery and grace.

You continue on
with happiness,
energy,
joy,
excitement,
humor, and an
easy-going attitude.
I am in awe.


 

Happy Birthday my sweet one.

May you never spend another in the hospital.
I pray the circumstances of your life
may someday match the ease
with which you live it.















Andrew at the hospital today.
The nurses got him cupcakes and everyone sang
"Happy Birthday!"



 

9-26-10 Birthday party for Andrew.  Picture with my sister who made him a "King Boo" cake.