We are cuddling more.
We are playing more.
We are taking more walks.
We are smelling more flowers.
John is coming home earlier.
Grandparents are more involved and getting lots of time with their grandchildren.
Brothers are sweeter to each other (well, sometimes).
Today, my 6 year-old told me he wanted to be "bald" just like Andrew. He had a huge smile on his face and was so excited about it. And he wanted Andrew to watch him get his haircut. It was so sweet and touching I had to keep myself from sobbing.
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So Aaron, Andrew and I went to the barber. He got his head shaved (not completely bald, but very short). Afterwards we went and bought a hat for him, because after all, now that his hair is gone, he would need something to keep out the sun. So all three boys walked around in hats all day. It was so sweet.
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I am taking even more pictures (somehow, that IS possible. My poor children. But I need a new memory card..)
I am so much more aware of how quickly life can change. It happens.
I am sucking in the beauty of each moment. The sweetness of each little toe. The amazing tenderness of each little hand as it caresses my arm.
I am letting Andrew lead the way. He has some very healing ideas, and I just follow along. Walks, and train parks, and dancing, and singing, and heavy metal music...
I am crying every night when I put him to bed...at least for a little while.
I am writing more. I can't help myself.
I am sharing more. When I was in high school the song I claimed for myself was "I am a rock, I am an island." And I felt that way. I never shared my pain. I thought it was weak. I rarely cried. I never admitted that anything was wrong with me. I was lovely to be around. ha.
I had stopped that "rock" mentality before all of this, but suddenly I just feel compelled to write and share and blab it all over the place. What is happening to me?
But it is still hard for me to talk about. I can write about it all day, but I would never pick up the phone and tell someone all of this...
So there has been some good. We have been doing things differently. We have been doing things better in all of this scary, horror-filled mess.
i don't want this to come across the wrong way, but i love that you're living differently – for all the positive reasons you mentioned. i can't imagine what this is like for you all, but i hope you know your family is still always in our prayers.
ReplyDeleteit's been great "hearing" you, julie.
I love that your 6yo asked to get his hair cut just like Andrew's. Precious.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you are finding the good things in the midst of all this. And yes... less house cleaning is in the good category. :)
I'm like that too. I tend to think of myself as an island, until I start feeling very "islandish", very isolated, then I'm forced to rethink my life philosophy. I go through it every few months. It's a process. It's hard for us stoic types to communicate easily. A few good friends are awesome to have, to listen and understand. I'm working on the rest. Hope it gets easier for you. It seems like you have lots of support and caring and understanding. Take care, my friend.
ReplyDeleteI am so happy to hear this! I too have let things go that normally I wouldn't but unfortunatly that also has included picking up my camera. Today I am going to make a point of dressing Monkey up in her cutest outfit and having loads of laughs with her while I capture some pix. I have just found myself in a state of depression lately and I am really struggling to pull myself out. I am so glad to be able to come here and know that I am not alone in this craziness. You are such an inspiration for me! XXOO
ReplyDeleteWhat sweet boys you have!!!
ReplyDeleteIt's too bad that it often takes an earth-shattering situation for us to reevaluate how we live our lives. But I'm glad that you're finding some goodness during all the horrible-ness.
I hope you have a nice weekend with your boys!
Elijah (4) says "I like those guys and I like the haircut what your brother did".
ReplyDeleteHow sweet that Aaron got a haircut like Andrew. I love the brotherly love pictures! How great that Andrew has some healing ideas and that you let him lead the way!
That is sweet of your 6 year old to do for his brother. It shows how great you have raise them. Your struggle has made me cherish those special moments more with my son instead of choooing him away.
ReplyDeleteI continue to pray for Andrew and your family.
Praise God for blogging! I think this is a great way to get some of the horribleness out. Love the pics
ReplyDeleteHow precious! What a great big brother! Those little guys of yours are just so darn cute. Glad you are letting your self vent and share during this time. Grabbing your button too! ;) Have a great holiday weekend.
ReplyDelete((hugs)) Praying for your family.................
ReplyDeleteI absolutely love that your six year old decided he needed a shaved head as well. When they're older and able to look back on such a precious moment, he'll probably surprise himself with just how amazing of a gesture that was.
ReplyDeleteI love that you're able to put your sweet baby to bed every night. Take that time to cry for as long as you need it. That's a "healing idea," too ... just like heavy metal music. =>
ReplyDeleteYour boys are so sweet, Praying for you all.
ReplyDeleteWhat a great way to looks at a tough time! I love his haircut.
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