The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

It's been two days since my last confession, I mean blog.  It does feel good to have this place to come and spill it all. 

Well, at least, most of it.

The GOOD...

The last few days have been good. 

Andrew has been happy and playful, no pain meds needed. 

Tonight he ate a good meal instead of just picking at his food. 

It is amazing how much better his empty plate made me feel.

We filled up the good days with good stuff. 

 We went swimming!

This is Andrew's Superman stance. 

"Superman! To the rescue!"

he yells.

                                                        

We went to the park!

We made gooey crafts!

We played in the yard!

There was a lot of smiling. :)

There was a lot of music.

There was a lot of dancing.

And Andrew is cooperating with his mouth treatments a little better

and feeling proud of his bravery.

The BAD...

  Tomorrow we return to the torture chamber (the TC) for continued exorcism of this blasted demon. 

For a 5-day stay.

Completely new drugs tomorrow.  A whole new story.

Hoping it goes well, for Andrew's sake,

but also so that next time

 we can do it on an outpatient, clinic basis. 

Fingers, toes, eyes, and hairs are all crossed.

Praying hard.

The UGLY...

Today started off rough. 

 I noticed Andrew's hair was starting to fall out,

and the reality of this whole deal hit me really hard. 

Combine that with the ache-in-the-pit-of-my-stomach dread of another hospital stay and the unknown of these new chemo drugs

and I was a flowing faucet for several hours. 

John's mom came over to watch Andrew in the morning so that I could get my emissions testing done
(woo hoo!)

and do a little shopping. 

As I sat in the emissions line, I had tears running down my face. 

They didn't stop when the guy asked me to

"turn off the ignition, turn off my accessories, and exit the vehicle."

  They didn't stop when I sat in the strange little blue booth

and got out my credit card for payment. 

They didn't stop when the guy told me to "have a good afternoon." 

No, they started flowing even more.

They didn't stop when I got to Target. 

Some people are emotional eaters. 

I am an emotional shopper. 

I bought every little sign in the store that had something to do with "hope" and "courage" and "kindness"
(and where am I going to put them?  I have no idea.)

   I walked past several mirrors
(I was in the home decorating section)

and it was pretty scary.

For lunch I went to Aaron's school for his end of the year party.  People noticed Andrew's scar, so I had to tell the story. 

More tears.

But later, one of the moms called me. 
Her son had cancer when he was four, and he is now doing great. 
She told me I could call anytime, and that pretty soon,

Andrew would be up and running around,

just like her son.

And even though neither of us has any idea

 if that will really be true or not,

it made me feel better. 

So, I haven't cried since about 4 pm.

Gotta go pack my bags.

The TC awaits.