My Nurse Ursula

Okay, so this is probably something I should be mature about, and discuss it with the person...but that is hard, isn't it?  And I keep considering it, but haven't quite figured out if it is worth the fuss and hard feelings.  So, I am being immature, and writing about it here.

I have an issue with the nurse assigned to Andrew's care.  It might be because the first time she met me, she treated me like I had committed a crime. She seemed relish the chance to describe the consequences of cancer, and was strangely cold while describing the torture my child must endure for quite some time.  Or, perhaps it was more like I had just signed up for "Cancer bootcamp" and she felt it was her job to lay it all out there.  No emotions, just the facts. 

Since that day, when she forgot that I might have some intense feelings about my son and his cancer, I have resented and disliked her.  I should probably just let someone know and move on.  Perhaps  I will.

But instead, because I don't really want to cause waves, and because I try to convince myself that she is really "not that bad," and I don't want to be seen as a complainer, I keep hoping that maybe she will redeem herself.  And, she has been pleasant enough.  She still really lacks empathy, but I think she is trying.

But the resentment is already there.  I'm afraid everything she says now rubs me the wrong way.  The other day she commented on  "how many of our kids are so smart."  First I thought, well, why wouldn't they be?  Then I thought, YOUR kids???  Have YOU ever spent the night in a double-booked hospital room with a crying neighbor while you worry yourself sick about my child's cancer? Have YOU ever had to dread putting my child to sleep knowing that as soon as his pain meds wore off he would be up, crying in agony?  Have you ever had to give three mouth treatments a day to your child and watch him turn into a mumbling miserable mess?...No.  You lay no claim to my child.  He is in NO way YOURS.

And I immediately pictured her as Ursula the Sea Witch, receiving some strange pleasure from having ownership over all of these  "poor, unfortunate souls," --mere shriveled up shadows of the children they used to be.  And I wanted to remove Andrew from that group.  He is NOT hers.  She may take his blood, and hook him up to IVs, and tell me about the all the possible side effects of his medications.  But he is not hers in any way.

Hmmm...maybe I should make my title "The Nurse Ursula."  I don't want to claim her as mine, either.

I guess I'm a bit touchy about all of this...