I didn't always see it, but
Happiness was everywhere for me, until April 17, when I found out my little 2 year old has cancer.
The tumor was removed, but we still have to do chemo. And radiation.
It goes against every motherly instinct to let your child lie in a bed,
knowing that poison is dripping through his veins.
But the alternative is way worse.
And it has been hard.
For the last three weeks, finding my happiness has been difficult.
It has been much easier to find the terror, and the fear, and the worry.
My child has been poked and prodded.
He has been under anesthesia more times in the past month
than I have been in my lifetime.
I rips open my gut every time.
He has mouth treatments from which he runs in terror,
and shots every evening.
His mouth has been so sore from the chemo stripping away his mucous membranes that he hasn't been able to eat anything but popsicles.
So finding his happy has been hard.
Finding mine has been almost impossible.
But today has been truly happy.
Happiness is an afternoon outside.
Happiness was everywhere for me, until April 17, when I found out my little 2 year old has cancer.
The tumor was removed, but we still have to do chemo. And radiation.
It goes against every motherly instinct to let your child lie in a bed,
knowing that poison is dripping through his veins.
But the alternative is way worse.
And it has been hard.
For the last three weeks, finding my happiness has been difficult.
It has been much easier to find the terror, and the fear, and the worry.
My child has been poked and prodded.
He has been under anesthesia more times in the past month
than I have been in my lifetime.
I rips open my gut every time.
He has mouth treatments from which he runs in terror,
and shots every evening.
His mouth has been so sore from the chemo stripping away his mucous membranes that he hasn't been able to eat anything but popsicles.
So finding his happy has been hard.
Finding mine has been almost impossible.
But today has been truly happy.
Happiness is an afternoon outside.
An outdoor picnic.
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A cheese sandwich, when you have been surviving on popsicles.
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A juicy strawberry...
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and painting in the grass.
It is freedom of expression...
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and watering a new tree.
It is going down a slide, for the first time in a month..JPG)
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Happiness is watching it happen.
Oh my goodness. Finding happiness in a time like this is also courageous. Thank you for sharing. (Thinking about you and your family.)
ReplyDeleteI've got tears streaming down my face Julie. So beautiful, brave, and courageous (as Amber said).
ReplyDeleteStill sending up prayers for you guys.
Your profile immediately caught my attention - I have three rowdy boys and that's exactly how I describe them in my profile!
ReplyDeleteI wish you strength for all that you have to endure. Most of all, I wish for you a happy ending.
Julie, you brought tears to my eyes. But happy tears are always good. I'm glad you found some happiness in the midst of all this.
ReplyDeleteOh such gorgeous boys. You've made me cry as well. I'm so happy you've all had a great day. x
ReplyDeleteThis is the best post I've seen all week. I'm at work fighting back the tears. Take these pictures keept them with you for the bad days and look forward to the good.
ReplyDeletetearing up - way to choose happiness today - I so admire it and will pray that you're able to do it every day. The pics are GORGEOUS! love the painting ones :)
ReplyDeleteJulie, This is beautiful! And the boys are too. I love the painted hands and toes!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you've found some hidden happiness... Keep looking for it every day and don't forget to make happiness when you can't seem to find it. (((Hugs)))
I don't think any of us can even imagine your situation. The pain that you and your little boy and your entire family is going through. It takes grand amounts of courage to see the happiness in the small moments when you are clouded by so much pain.
ReplyDeleteAnd those pictures. Oh those pictures show such a wonderful story of such a happy moment in time. I would totally frame the close-ups of the painted hands and feet. :)